I have a profound fear of dependence. In my work at HRB, I see too much dependence. It is shocking to me how many people receive their food, healthcare, childcare, housing, utilities and more through the efforts of someone else's labor. Many times, these people are working a part-time, low-skill job. They are dull. They have no spark, no fire, no passion for anything. They are merely existing, but instead of foraging for their subsistence like animals, they forage the halls of the public assistance offices. The look in their eyes, cold and empty and hopeless, puts fear in my heart like nothing else does. I don't know how to help them. How do you tell someone that there is more for them, that life doesn't have to be that way, but they have to work for it? I do know that I don't want to be like that.
I also fear the moral decline I see all around us. I don't want to be any part of it. If I am busy with productive activities for my family, I am not tempted by things that will bring destruction to my life. I am not out shopping for things we don't need with money we don't have. I am not out drinking in a bar. I am not seeking the company of another man. I am not gossiping with other bored women. I am not letting my intellect stagnate with garbage books and television programs.
Most of all, I fear God's judgment. He has given me this life, He has a plan for me and, even though I know I do every day, I don't want to let Him down. It is my desire to meet Him someday and hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I will be accountable for the gap that will exist between where He wanted me to be and where I actually end up. I want that gap to be as small as possible. We are all here for one reason, to serve Him. In serving Him, I serve my family and my country.
One gap that I need to work on is my approach to work itself. I have become addicted to work and it is throwing my life out of balance. I have been ignoring God's commandment to keep the Sabbath day holy. Exodus 20:8-11 says:
8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
By not taking that day to rest, I am becoming irritable and the quality of my work is not always where I would like it to be. I am exhausted and my diet has not been good. Satan may not find me in a welfare office jonesing for a handout or in a bar looking for a one-night stand, but if I don't change course and follow God's commandment to take a day off once a week, Satan may very well work his evil through my short temper and my neglect of my health.It is my intention to diligently seek a correction in this behavior and encourage my husband to do the same as we share this particular shortcoming. Today was our first step. We went to church, stayed for coffee and fellowship afterwards, then went home. I had arranged an assortment of veggies, cheese and crackers and other simple snacks to be our food for the day. Mike took his bow out that he bought 2 years ago and finally did some target practice with it and had a great time. We watched a movie and took a 2 hour nap. And, for the first time in months, I have had the chance to do some writing, my neglected hobby. I have also read several more chapters in volume 4 of the American Family series which I am really enjoying. I think we could get used to this.
